The Operation Charges

Enough of the true incidences and life lessons; let me try to write some fiction for light Sunday reading.

The son of a famous surgeon completed his Mastery of Surgery (MS) from AIMS, New Delhi, (Fictional Name) and came back to work with his father, in their small hospital in their home town. 

The father who was a very experienced surgeon imparted this wisdom to his son.

The father said, ‘Son, you may have learned how to operate and treat the patient in AIMS, Delhi, but the most important part of private practice in  surgery is to know how to charge your patients for the operation.’

The father explained, ‘Suppose you want to charge Rs 25,000 for an operation. If a patient comes and asks about the charges of that particular operation, say it is Rs 30,000 and closely observe the patient.’

‘If the patient appears shocked and upset’, continued the father, say, ‘If you belong to economically weaker section of the society, then as public service I will give you discount of Rs 5,000 and you can pay just Rs 25,000 for the operation’ ‘Everyone, including patients love a good bargain, and you can also act as if you are not money minded or greedy’ explained the father.

‘If the patient does not appear shocked on hearing the charges then add, ‘That is only the surgeon’s charges; it will be Rs 30,000 extra for the Operation Theatre (OT) charges.’ 

‘If the patient still does not appear surprised,’ the father continued, say; ‘there will be also Rs 30,000, charges for the anesthetist and operation theatre’s nursing and paramedical staff.’ 

‘If the patient still appears cool and unfazed, add; ‘there will Rs 30,000 ward bed and nursing charges in addition to these charges.’ (The total now is Rs 1,20,000/-).

‘If the patient still appears serene’ continued the father, say; ‘you will also have to get investigations (tests) done before the operation which will cost you Rs 30,000’ (The total now is Rs 1,50,000/-).

 ‘If the patient still appears unperturbed, then add; you will have to deposit Rs 30,000 for medicines and other consumables items, such as syringes and gloves, during the ward stay.’ (The total now is Rs 1,80,000/-).

‘What to do if the patient still appears calm and placid on hearing this as we appear to have used up all the methods to increase the bill?’ inquired the son.

‘If anyone reaches till this level and still remains cool and calm then we will use our reserve golden card’ replied the father, ‘And we will say;  ‘there will be also Rs 30,000 for the ICU charges, where you will have to be kept immediately after the operation.’ (The total now is Rs 2,10,000/-).

‘What do if the patient still appears unworried and composed even after hearing this?’ asked the son.

The father sagaciously replied, ‘Then drop everything and immediately call a press conference and announce to the world that Bill Gates has come to your hospital to get operated!’

 

 (Entirely Fictional)

— ND

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DISCLAIMER: This article is intended only for fun purpose. The author does not promote or recommend any behavior illustrated here or claim it to be useful. Use of the information herein is at you one's own risk. Before trying to emulate or follow anything the reader is well advised to take into account ethical, moral, legal and other considerations. The author recommends that Medical Practice should be of the highest ethical and moral level keeping in mind the interest of the patient as foremost. 

DISCLAIMER: This article is intended only for fun purpose. The author does not promote or recommend any behavior illustrated here or claim it to be useful. Use of the information herein is at you one's own risk. Before trying to emulate or follow anything the reader is well advised to take into account ethical, moral, legal and other considerations. The author recommends that Medical Education should be of the highest ethical and moral level keeping in mind the interest of the patient as foremost and according to MCI and other Board’s norm.